If this reading had a voice, it would say to me:
“Can you like, chill out?”
Today’s all-star lineup: The Hierophant, The Empress, Three of Wands, Nine of Wands and Four of Wands. I feel like Three of Wands and Nine of Wands have been following me, but that’s another post entirely.
I did this spread at 4:34 PM EST, before I left for work yesterday (technically). I wish I could interpret spreads for myself as quickly as I can work them out for clients, but that too is another post. When I first looked at this spread, I was confused, so, so confused.
What does The Hierophant have to do with The Empress? Why am I seeing this Three followed by a Nine of the same suit? Why is this Four of Swords even here?
When I got home from work, and after watching all of my favorite cable shows that I missed because I work late Sundays (tear)–I decided to get to the bottom of this mystery. I went about finding the message that had alluded me all day by taking baby steps. So I wrote in my Tarot journal the meaning of each individual card. By unpacking the Majors first–Empress and Hierophant–the rest of the reading fell into place. Because this is a general reading, there are a few interpretations that can be made. I’ll go through them, then pick which one rings truest for me.
- Traditionally (Hierophant), a young woman like you should think about having kids (Empress). Ever the divergent one, you want to blaze your own path (3/Wands). You know that there’s more for you than just marriage and kids. You want more, but the ambition and the drive of wanting more are just too much (9/Wands). You, girl, need to just chill out and meditate (4/Swords).
- The collective, we can say society also, has certain ideas (Hierophant) about how a woman like you is just another beautiful thing (Empress). Trapped by only being seen for your beauty (or physical attractiveness, whatever), you want more (3/Wands) but wanting more is the elephant in the room. You’re so battle weary, is it even worth it (9/Wands)? Again, you need to chill out, and probably meditate more (4/Swords).
- Deciding to do the right thing has finally made you part of the crowd (Hierophant). This is a time of abundance, creative renewal and good things to come (Empress). Your ship’s about to come in, don’t you worry about that–but it will be an uphill battle to defend all that’s yours (9/Wands). Can you, like, chill out, think about it, rest (4/Swords).
As you can see, some card meanings were the same in all three scenarios. 4/Swords is always about falling back. Meditating, contemplating, taking a rest. It’s hard out here for a knight. 3/Wands has quite a few meanings but to me, it always represents wanting more, the ability to contemplate the fact that more exists, the cool stuff we always wanted to accomplish but let stuff get in the way.
Which one of these meant the most to me today? Well, a bit of everything. I did have a conversation with a friend about having kids hours after the cards were drawn. I saw parents with their children or with their nannies all day at work. I think about children, but there’s so much more I want to do before I make that decision. The mere mention of more makes me anxious, makes me panic, makes me weary. It’s definitely an uphill battle, the lifestyle I want to see myself living. I have to fight so many battles on the daily already that sometimes chilling out just isn’t an option. I notice how men are nicer to me depending on how I’m dressed. I notice that if it’s laundry day and I’m out because everything is sweaty and I go in with whatever is clean, but most likely doesn’t fit because it’s from 20 pounds ago–I’m in for a pretty rough day.
So I go with meditation. That alone improved my time management skills. Maybe I always do need clean clothes and let the clothes from 20 pounds ago find a new home.
I’m about to enter my Saturn return very, very, soon and I’m freaking out and looking to the universe/God/whatever I should call the force that is beyond us all for little breadcrumbs as hints. I hope I’ve been doing the right thing but I know that up until this point I’ve been pretty spoiled, but I want more than to be spoiled–another meaning of The Empress. I haven’t had the struggles that many of my friends have had. I’ve been pretty fortunate and doing badly at maintaining that. I look at the people I speak to and spend time with as a barometer as to what direction I should take. If it sounds cool and productive and a valid use of my time and resources, I’m always aboard.
Not that I’m directionless, per se, but that sometimes I loaf around and never do anything and then end up being burdened by the little I did do and having to justify that to myself is exhasuting. Seriously. I felt like I was sitting around doing nothing while everyone around me was working towards something. I’ve made more progress lately, but it’s still hard. The idea of failure to do it all, every day, makes me want to tackle nothing.
So I’m going to fall back, and regroup. Recharge that battery of mine with a yoga class or those awesome Spirulina smoothies that I always forget to make before I finish all the bananas or maybe just cook dinner for myself for once. It’s been pretty hectic with music, a recently adopted dog, trying to work more hours before the slow season begins and just making sure that we aren’t living in our own filth over here.
I’m going to go meditate with smoky quartz, and hope for a smooth transition.
There’s just so . . . much . . . going on . . .